One Year in the USA: End of the Beginning - A Journey of Challenges, Disappointments, and Self-Discovery

August 18th, 2023—the day I mustered all my courage to leave my family and friends behind to pursue something big, something life-changing. As I reflect on this past year in the USA, a question echoes in my mind: Was it all worth it? This year, which I had hoped would be filled with growth and opportunities, has instead turned into one of the hardest years of my life. Financial struggles, academic disappointments, and painful realizations about friendships have tested me in ways I never imagined. Spoiler alert … the worst year has ended, hope so..

This year has been a series of challenges that made me think, "This can't get any worse." Yet, somehow, it did. From financial woes to academic struggles, and most painfully, the betrayals by friends, this year has been a constant test of my resilience. While I cherish these hard times as learning experiences, I can’t help but wonder—what have I truly gained from them? Have they made me stronger, or have they worn down my emotional resilience? Why do people change so drastically when they move here? Why can’t they show a little more empathy, considering others' feelings and situations?

As I navigate this new environment, I’m left questioning if this is the system I want to settle into. The more time I spend here, the more questions arise. Is the pursuit of the American Dream really worth the emotional toll it takes?

The Backstory: Why I Came Here

Before you dive deeper, it might be helpful to read my previous posts to fully understand my journey. I’ve always been someone ready to take on challenges and face struggles head-on. My undergraduate degree was in Civil Engineering—a field I had little interest in—but I worked hard and even took up a demanding startup job. Despite the hectic work hours and draining commute, I sacrificed sleep to self-teach advanced WordPress, programming, and web development frameworks. This relentless pursuit of my goals has always been my driving force.

But no matter how much experience we have, some challenges hit harder than expected. This time, it’s not the workload or financial strain—it’s the emotional pain caused by people I once considered friends. And added to that I miss my family and true friends in India.

The Good Moments

Even if it is for a short time the happiest memories from this year come from the new friendships I’ve formed. Bunking classes with my bestie, exploring the city, and having silly arguments like kids—these moments brought a sense of normalcy to my life. The support from another close friend, who has stood by me through thick and thin, has been invaluable. Staying together in class, sharing a room, and another good friend helping each other out with work—these bonds kept me going when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

I’m someone who thrives on new experiences. Even though most of my experiences this year have been tinged with sadness, I still cherish them. At least, they’ve added more stories to my life. I’ve visited new places, tried adventurous activities, and even got two tattoos—one of which holds a deep personal meaning. It goes like this

“” From Instagram post””

My first tattoo❤️, three magic words that are important to me, and to express myself and remember this when i feel lost:

Love: In this world that often feels chaotic, love is the constant. It's the purest form of joy, whether it's love for people, passions, or the little things in life.

Life: Life is a grand adventure, like a movie🎬. It's not about the pursuit of wealth, but the richness of experiences. Embrace every twist and turn, the highs and lows, expecially lows, because they all weave together to form the story of who we are.

Try: Regret is a heavy burden. So I choose to try, even the result is failure. It's better to have tried and stumbled than to have never tried at all and regretting for life.

Self-Discovery: "Finding You"

Much like the book I'm working on, Finding You, this year has been about searching for my true self and discovering what really matters to me. I used to chase success, constantly striving to make every free moment productive, whether by working toward my career goals or engaging in something entertaining. But now, my perspective has shifted.

I’ve come to realize that experiences are more valuable than productivity. I’ve always put people first—before money, career, and time—and I now see that I was right all along. I used to forgive those who hurt me easily, but now, in extreme cases, I choose not to. I avoid people who don't value my emotions. This year has taught me that it’s okay to prioritize myself, to focus on new experiences rather than always chasing career milestones.

One thing I’ve learned is the importance of taking time to reflect, to daydream. I used to feel guilty for "wasting time" doing this, but now I see it as essential for personal growth. It's during these quiet moments that we truly understand ourselves, question our choices, and discover what we really want in life.

I’m slowly beginning to understand the depth of Jim Carrey’s words: "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." There’s so much wisdom in that quote, and perhaps in the future, I’ll explore it further in another blog post.

The Harsh Realities

Before coming to the USA, I thought it was a well-developed system where everything would function smoothly. But the reality is far from it. Take something as basic as drinking water, for example. In many underdeveloped countries, safe drinking water is available from the tap at least some of the time. But here, except in New York, tap water is often chemically treated with fluoride and chlorine, making it unsafe for long-term consumption. That’s why people here rely on bottled water, which is not only a reflection of a flawed system but also contributes to environmental degradation due to plastic waste.

Finding natural and healthy food is another challenge. The system here seems to prioritize junk food and factory-produced items, making it difficult and expensive to maintain a healthy diet. And for an international student like me, the high cost of living adds to the stress. From groceries to rent, everything is expensive, no matter how much money you had saved in India.

But perhaps the most disappointing aspect has been the people I’ve encountered here. I came expecting to meet passionate, like-minded individuals, especially in a computer science program. But I’ve found it challenging to connect with people who share my drive and skills. Instead, many seem more focused on chasing money rather than passion or innovation.

The Pain of Lost Friendships

I vividly remember this time last year when one of my closest friends accompanied me to my visa interview. He woke up early and spent hours waiting outside the embassy, putting his own work aside just to support me. When I emerged from the interview with the good news, we both celebrated—he was genuinely excited for me, though I could sense the sadness in his eyes knowing he’d miss me. Another friend reacted quite differently; when I called him with the news, he was upset and tried to convince me to stay in India. His emotional response was something I didn’t even expect from my girlfriend, yet it showed how much my departure affected him.

In my first few weeks in the USA, I was fortunate to have friends already here who extended their support. Some helped me financially, even though they were living in different states. I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts how one friend’s brother helped me navigate those early days when I was still figuring things out. Those were caring, happy, and entertaining moments that I deeply cherish, especially the friendships I made back in India.

But now, I find myself missing that kind of friendship deeply. Here, it’s easy to find people to hang out with, to party and have a good time. But finding true friends who understand you, who won’t hurt you, and who will support you through thick and thin—that’s a different story altogether.

Why am I sharing all this? Because when I decided to pack my bags and come here, I had calculated all the struggles—financial, academic, the pain of missing family, living alone, and more. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I believed it was all worth it for the goals, dreams, and life experiences that awaited me. However, in that calculation, I overlooked one crucial part—friendship and the people around me.

Yes, on paper, it might seem like the people here are the same as back home—most of them are Indian, after all, and have come here for similar reasons. But trust me, there’s a difference between people who are living in India and those who have made their lives here. I should have listened to my old friends who have been staying here for a long time and learn from their experiences.

One friend here played the victim card, using past traumas and bad experiences in the USA to justify her toxic behavior. Despite multiple warnings from others, I tried to help her, thinking I could make a difference. It turned out to be a huge mistake. She was immature and unwilling to change. Another close friend, someone I thought I would create countless memories with, only showed me how selfish people can be. He prioritized his temporary happiness, even if it meant hurting others, including his friends.

These experiences have made me realize that many people, especially those in this generation, don’t think about the consequences of their actions. They act impulsively, often in ways that hurt others, without considering the long-term impact. There’s another friend who, despite all the time and effort I’ve put into our friendship, never made me a priority. She wasn’t there when I needed her, didn’t understand me, and didn’t offer the support I had always given her. And then there are those who are only close to you when they see some sort of value in you.

These painful experiences have been some of the toughest lessons I’ve learned this year. But in the end, they’ve also taught me a lot about the importance of surrounding myself with the right people, even if that means fewer people.

The Change

This year has been a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with ups and downs. While it hasn’t turned out the way I hoped, I’m still grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had. Initially, I planned to settle in the USA, but after what I’ve experienced, I’m reconsidering. Life here can be lonely and depressing, surrounded by people who prioritize money over relationships, all while dealing with the high cost of living and the relentless pace of life. Once I clear my education loan, I think it might be better to return to India, where my family and true friends are.

Until then, I’m trying to make the most of my time here. I want to visit more places, do things that are only possible in the USA, and avoid the situations that have caused me pain. I’ve found solace in living alone, which is far better than staying with people who don’t respect my feelings or support my decisions. I’m also learning to give less time to those who don’t prioritize me and focusing on having more fun and adventurous experiences.